Yup - capsize = learning
So maybe what you do is go out in bumpy stuff, with friends who can do a rescue if needed (I hope you already are paddling with same) and just shut your eyes while paddling. Or find smaller waves nearer shore somewhere, just wear a helmet to protect your noggin if the capsize happens in shallower stuff, and do the same.
There are ways to ways to work on that which are also enjoyable on a stinking hot day, or when you want to spend some useful time in the boat without packing in all the crap for a long day’s paddle.
fun game in surf…
As far as anticipating I play a little game where I only use edging and try not to have my paddle touch the water on side hits by waves. I have the paddle ready then brace if I’m not perfect in my edging.
Most of the time you won’t need a full-on reflexive brace so you need a lot of time in surf, clapotis, etc. to accumulate a number of real bracing moments. But you will also have many almost moments where you maybe turn your blade a bit more down and apply a bit more force while otherwise just doing a normal stroke. It’s hard for me to think “that was a reflexive brace and that was not”. It’s really more matters of degree at any moment as I range from a simple supportive stroke to a full “oh crap” slap on a wave.
turn it up a notch
Go out in serious storm surf, wind waves mixed with ground swell and do the same thing.
still waiting 
as you know in So Cal that can be a wait. That’s why I’m off to other shores soon just to find more of that.
too much reliance on paddle?
When I learned white water, I was taught to edge the boat IN ANTICIPATION of the force of water. And not relying so much on the paddle.
Like, eddy turn, edge. Peeling out, edge. No need to use the paddle for stability, just forward or sweep to get the desired speed and direction.
So on ocean, if I’m anticipating anything, like seeing a wave coming from the side, I edge and kept on paddling forward. It’s only if I didn’t see something coming and didn’t edge in anticipation, that a brace comes in handy! That’s usually reflex. I’m not too good at that “reflextive” brace, partly because I mostly don’t need it if I’m edging the boat correctly.
lean vs edge
"I see the wave coming an stick the paddle into it and lean. Very easy."
Some difference between lean and edge.
Lean, your body is off to one side of the boat, (the boat also leans as a result of the body lean) and you stick your paddle in the water to “brace”: keep your body from falling into the wave when you lean too much.
Edge, your body stays center above the boat but you tilt the boat by lifting with your thigh. Because your body is still center above the boat, there’s no need to brace with paddle.
When the wave gets big enough, edging won’t be enough (or rather, most of us can’t hold such a high edge for long), we end up LEAN into the wave! (bit of a lazy solution)
On much of the non-breaking wave we typically paddle through, edging is more effective.
Leaning not necessarily lazy/unskilled
I don’t consider leaning a matter of not being able to hold a high edge, or a lazy solution. It seems more necessary to me in ocean surf. A lot of the times when I play around at the beach, or just landings on the beach, I have to deal with closeout breaks, often dumping. I commit strongly to picking a wave and riding it through, edging hard and digging in if necessary, and doing what’s within my ability to maintain my line when I’m trying to sneak through the initial break zone. And it seems, by far, most of the time that works out. But every once in a while, I’ll find myself broached with a wave starting to dump. Even in smaller waves, if I could edge my boat completely upside down with my body still upright and balanced above the water, I would still get flipped. The water on the face of a wave has been shown to flow upward. So you have a wave with flow from trough to peak, with the peak falling forward abruptly, in front of an already forward traveling wave, and a large portion of the top of the wave crashing down in front of the bottom. I’ve found myself not just leaning in these situations, but trying to dive down towards the wave the instant before impact. If I can keep my body behind the kayak, not get rolled, I’ll usually end up side surfing without a thought. Things get much more disoriented for me if I keep my body up to get thrown out front with the top of the wave. My body will end up the anchor anyway when the initial turbulance calms. But I feel a lot more confident and in control through the process the less I get rolled around.
Playing in pushy broken waves, edging is great until it’s edging followed by getting rolled, instead of leaning followed by sitting up as allowed after the intial push. This unwillingness to lean always appears as bad of an idea watching others try to do it as it feels if I do it myself. But I think if a person doesn’t become fluid with laying sideways into the water and sitting back up, it’s probably the thing they go to.
I know this flies in the face of the often given advice of edge, don’t lean, or you will fall over. This applies more to folks that can manage leaning off balance and sitting back up, which I guess I currently consider necessity for competence in this type of environment. But this I think is just an environment specific situation.
In general, I think success in reflexive bracing is largely a product of loose hips and good blade angle control.
agree
I’ve had six foot surf break hard right on me (I went to broach just before) and so I not only edge but dive my whole head right into the wave along with a brace and stay upright as I bounce to shore. In smaller surf I try to edge without a brace for fun and practice. But there are times when you want to really be sure and so you slightly shift your balance to your bracing side to guarantee a miscalculation doesn’t flip you fast toward shore.
Big Stuff and Not So Big Stuff
I’m finding that in wind waves in the sound I’m more and more comfortable paying no attention to the waves. No anticipation at all. I think that has just come over time. However in big breaking surf I wish I had eyes in the back of my head. I’m not comfortable there yet. Need more time, I guess.