From my experience most owners of “normal” (ie not mega yachts) boats actually aren’t very elitist at all. Most of us don’t have a ton of money and just love boating and being out on the water. That does change drastically when you get to larger boats and most (but not all) yacht clubs. Can’t stress enough the philosophical difference between a marina and a yacht club!
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Yep this has been my observation when I’ve been invited onto friends’ boats. The people around at the marina look anything but upper crust or snobby.
When I lived in Hawaii I had a friend who liked to bring people out for sailing on his boat and it was just plain awesome! Have fond memories of riding past Waikiki in that boat and of anchoring and jumping into the water with nothing but a swimsuit. He said generally one person will throw up on every trip, and that held true except for one time.
He is a very down to earth and friendly guy, and he lived on his boat as well. Being able to go sailing on the cheap like that is priceless. Kind of gives new, totally non-sexual meaning to the term “friends with benefits” lol.
Size of a boat has nothing to do with snobbery.
Not always, but it is true most of the time. Most of my marina is comprised of “normal” boats (in this case I am using <60 feet) but we have several large docks that cater to mega yachts up to 150’. It’s an entirely different planet over there and the crews, owners and guests of those larger boats want absolutely nothing to do with us peons. By and large all of the “small” boat owners are great, of course there are always a few weirdos anywhere.
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I grew up on Chesapeake Bay. We were there every weekend from May until October. Traditionally boaters help each other. My Dad was in the Navy. We pulled aground sailboats off the flats. We gave people rides. Once we got a ride across the mouth of the Bay in a storm in an old fishing boat after a bent drive shaft.
Be a traditional boater. Help people when you can. Be polite. Ask first. Respect private property.
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Besides calling ahead or using a VHF radio, you can also ask at the fuel dock, if they have one. Permission may depend on a marina policy or how busy they are. You would often have a better chance if going to an on-site restaurant or snack bar than just asking to use a bathroom or their picnic tables. It may depend on whether they welcome transients. Marinas with restaurants generally welcome visitors by land or sea. Just ask where you will be out of the way.
Launching from a marina is a different story. Many have limited parking and may charge the same fee as any other boat, generally $10- $20. It’s exceedingly rare that a marina will allow you to park and launch for free. Occasionally, if you state that you will grace their bar or restaurant when you get back it will make a difference. Just ask where you should park so your car will be out of the way of regular members and guests.
Yacht clubs are a different animal altogether. Most prohibit non-members on their property unless it is an emergency. An exception is if you are a member of another yacht club. Most yacht clubs allow reciprocity with other clubs.
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Do you have to fly a yacht club burgee on your kayak? 
Yacht clubs are the last place I would ask for help.
No, but you should have a membership card or other proof of membership.