A Christmas Story and It's True… Honest

Paddlers' Place
#1

Yes folks, it’s that time of year again - time for tall tales and pictures of Santa Claus. Well here’s mine, and you’re probably not going to believe it, but it’s true. I saw Santa, and he was not in a sleigh being pulled by reindeer. He was in a canoe - a red canoe. Here’s what happened.

It was Christmas Eve a couple of years ago. I had finished all my shopping so I decided to take my canoe out for a short trip. As I was unloading my gear, I looked downstream and saw what appeared to be a man in a red suit poling up the river.

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I ducked out of sight as he approached and watched him push up a small drop…

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… and head upstream.

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I decided to follow him. Eventually, he pulled off the river where a small group had gathered. Curiosity got the best of me, so I pulled my boat up on to shore and walked over to talk to them. I learned that the man in the red suit was Santa Claus, and the small group that had gather by the river were his elves.

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I also learned that much of what I thought I knew about Santa was wrong.

  • First, Santa doesn’t live at the North Pole - he lives in Rhode Island.
  • Second, Santa doesn’t deliver toys in a sleigh pulled by reindeer - he delivers them in a red canoe that he poles up to the roof tops.
  • Third, Santa s favorite drink isn’t hot cocoa – it’s Sailor Jerry. He says that it does a better job of keeping him warm on those cold December nights.

When he was ready to leave, he offered us some Sailor Jerry.

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Then he headed off to begin his night’s work.

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I know it s amazing, but it s true - pictures don’t lie!

Merry Christmas everyone.

#2

Hey! Ev’ry body knows inna dat group der be ah no sanity clause!!!

Yup, as the one image indicates, I’ve learned correctly (from a certain, hirsute, left coast elf). It ain’t milk and cookies ya leave Santa. It’s Sailor Jerry’s and special yak butter cookies!

To think of it, that goes a long way in explaining a lot of the broken chimneys in the neighborhood.

Merry Yule to you and your New England Contingency Armada! Be there myself midst the Ocean State fete in six days.

#3

Haha! Your RI Santa would have a hard time poling anywhere here. Taken this autumn morning, but the sun was soon obliterated by snowflakes. (Photo taken from indoors as there’s three feet of snow out there)

I’ll dance in the snow in four days to celebrate the Winter Solstice because that means more daylight!

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#4

@Rookie said:
Haha! Your RI Santa would have a hard time poling anywhere here.

Don’t worry Rookie. Santa can pole his canoe anywhere - it’s Christmas magic. He’ll still make it your house. :wink:

Looks pretty - time to get out the snowshoes.

#5

@eckilson

You know, of course, that I hold you and your “bring on winter” thread for creating this never-ending snowy chaos.
:wink:

#6

We got a little snow here today - not as much as you though.

#7

About 5 inches here at my house in the south part of the Salt Lake Valley in the last day. Highs went from 40s to 20s. Icy mess in the valley, but heaven on the slopes. I can see the tram at Snowbird from my back deck, but unfortunately I don’t ski anymore. Might be time to grab the snowshoes though. Maybe I’ll meet Santa on the trails?

#8

A Pagan’s Prayer On Winter’s Solstice

Far travelled gold
from ancient suspended furnace
filter through the clouded space
touch down upon this stark
yet lovely blanket
where warmth evades
linger each day moment longer
pierce the crystalline
and restore the flow
in all things

‘Course, dancin’ naked in three feet of snow on a Michigan late December eve, the brevity of, “C’MON SPRING!!!” shall suffice, I suppose.

Stay toastee my friends.

#9

@canoeswithduckheads
Indeed you are our resident wordsmith - but dance naked in the snow? My toes would get cold (and plenty more)!
I’ll stick with my unstylish but toasty dancewear:

#10

Can you ever have too many Santas…?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TcegEevG9Y&index=109&list=WL&t=69s

#11

Anybody remember Pnet Bikini Lady Santa Kayaker …WendyK have not seen posts from her in many years, although she is now a kayaking celebrity. Certainly caused a stir with her first post. I think there is a picture published still on the site here.

#12

I heard Wendy went on a kilo ran,
but the Canadian Coasties looked rather dimly on her plan,
perhaps wearin’ red bikinis is what originally had viced her,
but now I hear her she’s gotten loopy chasin’ wakes of some Hoffmeister.

#13

“Second, Santa doesn’t deliver toys in a sleigh pulled by reindeer - he delivers them in a red canoe that he poles up to the roof tops.”

Ho, ho,ho…You can’t fool me: Not only is there no Santa–But there’s no way he could ever find enough of a foothold using only a canoe pole, to go up the broadside of anyone’s house! Not only that, no matter how well trimmed out-the boat, how’s he s’pose to get all those toys delivered on time while toasted on Sailor Jerry?
(There just wouldn’t be enough free board to get his w–butt aloft, I tell ya;-)

#14

@SeaDart

Funny video. The ham was a nice touch.

#15

@spiritboat said:

Ho, ho,ho…You can’t fool me: Not only is there no Santa–But there’s no way he could ever find enough of a foothold using only a canoe pole, to go up the broadside of anyone’s house! Not only that, no matter how well trimmed out-the boat, how’s he s’pose to get all those toys delivered on time while toasted on Sailor Jerry?
(There just wouldn’t be enough free board to get his w–butt aloft, I tell ya;-)

OK Spiritboat – here’s another account of how it all happens…

T’was the night before Christmas and out on the water,
Not a creature was stirring, not even an otter.

The dry bags were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas would drop paddling stuff there.

When out on the river there arose such a splatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

The moon on the water looked the whiteness of snow,
It shone like mid-day on the river below.

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a big red canoe without a single reindeer.

But a spry old paddler, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

Off the river and into the air he did fly,
In a beautiful silhouette against the night sky.

And then from the rooftop there came a great sound,
The sound of a canoe running aground.

As I grimaced at the noise thinking there must be a hole,
Down the chimney came St. Nick and he snapped up with a roll.

He was dressed in a drysuit from his head to his foot,
And the gortex was tarnished with ashes and soot.

But his eyes how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
As he stopped for a swig of his Sailor Jerry.

He was a happy ol’ paddler, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
After filling the drybags he turned with a jerk.

Then laying a finger aside of his nose,
A brace he did do and up the chimney he rose.

He sprang into his canoe and with a blow of his whistle,
He shot off the roof like water-borne missile.

And I heard him exclaim, as he poled out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night”.

(This is based on a Kayaker’s Night Before Christmas by Terry Gowler, Mount Vernon, WA that use to be here on p-net – I think it is gone now.)

#16

Destined to become a classic!