My kayak is possessed by the devil

The devil ran off with your question.

Naturally I’m seeking a kayak Exorcism
Salt or fresh water? Euro or GP? Church of Calm Water or The Lamb of Lumpy?

I’ll never dye black again.

naturally …
you need to paddle it in a lake of holy water which will cleanse and exercise the demons.

Of course
Kayaks are works of the Devil.