Sweat Breaks

-- Last Updated: Nov-14-05 5:23 PM EST --

When spending long hours out in the hot sun it is important to take sweat breaks. That means stopping what you're doing and wetting yourself from every pore of your body. I mean sweat, not perspiration. Don't merely seep or dribble as you go. Take a break and really spring a leak. It helps to spit a little at the same time. Perspiration isn't about maintaining a healthy glow, it's about gushing gallons of transudation to eliminate bodily toxins and waste. The armpits and buttcrack are the best sweat zones there are. Neither brow nor foot work better. Anyone who says different has been listening to too many talcum-powdered sissies. An over statement, I know.

By taking a break you allow your body to really burst a pipe and spout off. That will refresh you both physically and mentally. Spewing out a flash flood from your secretion glands drenches your entire body as well as providing something to sip for proper hydration. If you only emit a gentle wafting fog of funk as you go along you can fool yourself into thinking you're sweating when you're not. That will slowly weaken you. I'm sure most people are aware of marathon runnners having weakened themselves so much that they collapse at the end of a race. That's because they store up too much sweat and other bodily fluids, leading to bloating. While that may be good for qualifying for the next-highest wrestling weight class it isn't good for your body. The puffy jowls and sausagelike forearms of a marathon runner aren't a pretty sight. There's a reason for that. By nature it doesn't look healthy.

To enjoy the outdoors you need to take care of yourself, and that means really leaving a puddle of salty au jus around your shoes. My advise is for those who are looking to return from a trip refreshed and fealing invigorated about life.

When I was in the navy…
after my all night drunken sleep on the beach I not only left sweat, but some other foul stuff from my stomach all over the sand

Does that count?

Oops, wrong string - I’m sorry.



One of the funniest things I’ve read on PNet.

You mispelled

– Last Updated: Nov-15-05 7:52 AM EST –


...I get it now. I hadn't read the water break post yet. Both together are genius. I laughed so hard my eyes teared up.

Some college English class needs to study this diptych.


I’ll bet
Pahs is nodding his head in agreement.

I needed that. LOL

lol, awesome :slight_smile:
hilarious stuff. nicely done.

Holy smokes that is good.

I think…
I think the original post qualifies as a parody.

And a fairly well crafted one at that.




– Last Updated: Nov-15-05 1:25 AM EST –

I'll drink some water to that!

but make sure you stop before you drink. You wouldn’t want to collapse or nuthin’

That explains my round, puffy face. Not enough sweat breaks.

I Cheat…
I don’t sweat enough when I stop. So, I pour water on myself on the break. I say a good quart easily. I feel fresh afterwards, almost liked I sweated a quart myself.

If you don’t believe me… all I can say it’s that I have experience from years of inner city basketball on asphalt tops under brutal sun. While my teammates easily sweated a quart on time-outs. I was just dripping a little. I know they noticed and felt that I wasn’t sweating enough. Therefore, they wouldn’t let me in the game as much. Then I discovered that while they talked strategy in the huddle, I can sneak a quart of water over my head. When they turned around and saw how wet and invigorated I looked, they decided to give me some minutes… At the end of the season, they gave me the “Most Improved Player” award. The award didn’t mean that I could play well but it did recognize that I tried hard to be a player.


Hey Rex…
I’ll bet you are on your first coffee break of the day.

Do you stop or take that on the fly?



My morning chuckle.

Hey make sure you stop in the middle of that next breaking wave you are surfing for a water break so you will arrive on the beach fresh and with out that “emaciated look” !



Thanks …
… for the kudos, but I really only polished it. The REAL comedic genius was the original poster …

Now you all make sure to stay properly hydrated out there. AND perspirated.

That “Emaciated” Look…
is the result of peeing in my wetsuit too much on certain days. I know I am supposed to hold it in to keep hydrated, as all true “experts” know. I just can’t help it when I know I am gonna get trashed. Sometimes it’s more than just p… Oh, never mind.


In my southern upbringing, I was taught
horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies glow.

Just do not pee in your wet suit
when you are warming your clam chowder in it.

all kidding aside
that is what happens when I ride my bike hard. the wind keeps me cool, and evaporates the sweat, but if I stop, no more wind, and the sweat literaly pours out of my pores.