Favorite Couples Strategies

Advice
#1

Hi Folks,
Following the nice article on paddling as a couple, I wonder what strategies people find to be effective.
For example, my wife and I are incompatible on tandem anything, bikes, kayaks, etc. However, we love doing things together. Getting her an ebike solved that problem and we sold our tandem bike.

When it comes to kayaking technology, I am not sure e-kayaks are ready for prime time but would love to hear from others.

A prerequisite for our cycling is our intercom setup, which allows us to chat even when we are 100+ meters apart. We are on our 4th stage of this outstanding technology. But we have a much harder timing finding a solution for kayak communication because the bike solutions assume there is a helmet to attach to. We purchased a set from Sena and it is worse than the very oldest of our bike equipment.

So has anyone found an intercom setup suitable for kayaking–I promise it will improve all those benefits listed in the article.

Cheers from Utah and Nova Scotia,
Rob

#2

White water and surf kayakers wear helmets. You wear a helmet on a bike. I assume you don’t want to consider a helmet when you kayak. I use a VHF when kayaking and sailing but they aren’t for chatting. Aren’t there blue tooth mics and headphone/ear buds that are voice activated?

#3

I paddled with my sister for years. We simply kept within 20 feet of each other. I feel it’s safer to paddle in a condidated group, as well as good paddling discipline to keep a consistent interval. A tight group is more visible, and it prevents powered boats from weaving through the group. We both had a VHF for emergency use and weather. In 15 years of paddling, we never used it to communicate with each other, even when separated.

We were fairly compatible with average speed, as long as we kept up with going out together. When she started skipping trips, she fell behind the speed average curve. When that happened, I would set up a zig-zag course when I got tired of dawdling, while she paddled straight. We talked when we were together, and I paddled more aggressively to stay conditioned and make up for her slower pace.

When you spend a lifetime with someone, it might be relaxing to take a break from yapping at each other and just take in the scenery.

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#4

When my wife and I started out kayaking, we had very different kayaks. She had some issues staying with me, due to her kayak’s design relative to mine. After a few years we switched to a kayak model that worked for both of us. Now she stays with me much more easily, and that has been a big improvement. We just stay together close enough to talk. Works for us.

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#5

This problem was solved in the 1800s

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#6

You could probably Velcro one of the many compact motorcycle waterproof two way communications devices to a common headband.

When I’m out I simply talk to people when we are near and use VHF when we are not. I don’t abuse the VHF channels with extended conversation.

Many people consider tandem boats divorce ships.

#7

Thanks! We paddle most often on a placid lake with no risk and even at 20 feet, conversation is strained. If it were my brother, I would be happy not to talk much :wink: but with my wife, son, and before long, grandson, intimate chatting while paddling is worth its weight in gold.

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#8

I spent years at the national level as a competitive paddler and unless my shoulders suddenly fall apart, there is no way my wife and I will paddle at the same pace (just like with the bicycle situation). I paddle literally in circles around her now, which is fine, but we are used (from our cycling) to being able to quietly chat and these are frankly some of the best conversations we have. There is something magic about sharing the outdoors, the water, and exercise endorphins, and the precious time that works for us. Even with our lousy Sena systems, it is still rich and valued time.

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#9

I can have a look but I have not explored hacking these motorbike systems for our use. Do you have any specific ones in mind?
And yes, tandem-anything just does not work for us; two strong-willed people, I guess? I am just happy that we love doing things separately but together, even after all the years. :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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#10

Brillant! I can already see us laughing and tipping :wink:

#11

I’ve almost always ridden solo, so I’ve never looked into a wireless communication system, but there are a lot of them out there. For many it would just be a question of adapting one to a typical headset design or an earpiece and pocket type transceiver. If there was enough demand, I’m sure that there would be something available. Do any crew or offshore sailing teams use anything suitable?

Something like THIS , paired with commonly available waterproof Bluetooth earbuds might work. It supposedly has an optional voice activated transmit function. There are probably other offerings online that are similar. Just have to play around with various search terms.

#12

Do you use the paddles or flags.

#13

I can see how kayak time would be a great sharing time, especially when quality time is hard to come by. Some couples work different shifts or don’t have the opportunity away from kids.

I use kayaking to explore and for physical conditioning. My goal is at least once or twice a week at full exertion. Then I like to get a few days of recovery. The best option is to make the off days slow days, which can easy be spent enjoying the trip and taking time to talk to a fellow paddler. One problem with less experienced paddlers is the inability to paddle a straight course and maintain spacing. That takes more discipline than most casual paddlers are willing to acquire.

Talking over an electronic device to me is too much like work, or like sitting across the room or in another room and conversing by telephone. I live paddling, but when I hook up with a friend to paddle, I slow down and carry on a face to face conversation. We typically stop in a nice spot and relax, then to make up for lost paddle time, we push hard for the return leg of the trip.

#14

Actually my wife stays home and gardens or reads a book and we are both are happy.

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#15

Every couple is different. My wife and I could always happily paddle tandem because it’s not a competition and she doesn’t have to navigate.

She is a long time runner, occasional marathoner and triathlete. I learned early in our relationship not to run with her, because even before she got serious about running, she would always make it a race and go balls-to-the-wall until one of us was toast. But she will happily plod away at 9 minute pace with some of her friends, chatting the whole time.

I got her into cycling, fit her bikes, taught her how to ride and train. We rode together happily until she got into triathlons. She developed an expectation that since she was training and I wasn’t, she should be beating me, especially on climbs. If I dropped her on one, she would get angry and be bitter about it for days. Some years later, after she lost interest in triathlons, we were able to ride together happily again.

When it comes to paddling, she has no competitive ambitions and we have happily canoed rivers, sea kayaked, camped, and explored lots of lakes in a tandem, talking, enjoying ourselves, never fighting. That worked great until we had kids and started taking them out in separate tandems. Paddling on her own, she will not keep a course, follow my lead, or stay within earshot no matter how slow and straight I go. That’s perfectly OK for casual rec paddles, but it’s a problem when we are crossing open water in the wind or traveling to a campsite.

Finally getting to the point where we tried radios…

Before kids, we had taken a bunch of motorcycle trips together where we used an Autocom intercom system. We really liked being able to talk, point out things to each other, and plan stops. So we got a pair of waterproof two-way radios for paddling, and it was a disaster. Radio contact just resulted in her swearing like a sailor at me over the radio in front of the kids and constantly complaining about whoever was with her. Giving her a voice to vent just made the kids and I miserable. I won’t trip with her again until the kids are old enough (and hopefully interested) to paddle on their own, at which point she can go back into a tandem with me or just go her own way.

Anyway, like I said, every couple is different. But my advice is that if you enjoy paddling together now, count your blessings and don’t change anything.

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#16

Thanks RedMC, very thoughtful and honest response! And, trust, me, I do count my blessings and consider myself very lucky. This good fortune is one of the reasons I am pushing for the equivalent experience while paddling that we find so fun and helpful with cycling. I did not really expect my wife to take to the water as well as she has—I grew up around water (Nova Scotia) and was always a water rat. So returning to kayaking after a long break (aka living in Utah) was like coming home. I love the fact that we can plan not only fabulous vacations but also our day-to-day summer outdoor time around the kayaks–and that even our little grandson seems to love it. I am just trying to optimize (I am an engineering professor so I cannot help myself) the experience so that everyone has fun.
The frustration for me/us comes from using a technology in one domain (cycling) and wondering why it is not nearly as well developed in another (kayaking and even hiking). Surely someone has found an acceptable solution!
Thanks again for responding, Rob.

#17

I’ve enjoyed biking and hiking as well. Hiking is easy to stay in touch. Regardless of skill level, most hikers stay together. Biking depends on the trail. On the water it’s onlyba matter of adjusting the stroke and keeping close. You don’t even have to stay together unless you have something to say. Then you can pause until the other person catches up with you or you can paddle harder to catch them. There are not tracks, trails or limits. Generally you’re on the water together. Anything goes, anfmd you have full control except in white water, but then your focus isn’t necessarily on talkng.with experience, you should be able to hold station between 5 and 1p feet with easy. If you can’t, just figure it out.

#18

Back in the day, when I was mountain climbing… my main climbing partner, though strong & adept, was less aerobically fit than I was. Keeping together in big mountains is prudent, but we all tend to move at our own natural pace. So, when I’d get 100 yds ahead or so, I’d wait and he’d offload 5 or 10 lbs from his pack to mine. If that didn’t slow me down enough, a little later, he’d off load more onto me. After an hour or two we’d moving comfortably at the same pace, although I might be hauling 30+ lbs more than he was.
Analogous principle applies here. Keeping together at a pace natural for both of you is desirable, so rig the equation. Put her in narrow fast sea kayak, and you paddle a white water boat. I’ll be she keeps up! And if that makes you too slow to keep up with her, then move to some short wide touring boat.

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#19

We got waterproof Motorola walkie-talkie style UHF radios with ear pieces like this:

https://www.motorolasolutions.com/content/dam/msi/docs/products/two-way-radios/consumer/t605/T605_DataSheet.pdf

#20

Yeah, equalizing climbing pace with pack weight makes sense. I did the same thing climbing Mt Fuji with a coworker on a business trip to Japan. My wife and I are not serious hikers and we always stay together with no problem and it’s never been a point of contention.

But paddling is another story. With us, it’s not a matter of fitness or pace at all. She is more fit and we can easily paddle at the same pace. She doesn’t like having to paddle on a straight course and loses her bearings unless we’re staying close to the shore. We’re fine when casually exploring the small local lakes with the kids, but longer paddles to a destination and windy lake crossings are frustrating because she is all over the place and blaming it on whoever is with her, so neither kid wants to be in her boat. I’ve tried letting her lead and following her, but that just makes her angry. She has suggesting getting a big canoe that we can all fit into, but I don’t know.