friends bailing, what gives?

just wondering how many of you out there make plans way in advance for a trip to the coast or something and everyone is on board and when you call or check in to confirm, they bail last minute…btw the weather couldn’t have been more perfect, no flu either. It’s dissapointing and rude i think. would you keep trying with them? not alot of options in my area for picking reliable sea kayaking buddies.if anyone knows of anybody please let me know. thanks

Oh sh-- !
I’m in trouble now.

I did just the exact same thing recently on the Edistoe trip that String and others had.

We, (“the bride”) and I had even made reservations at the state park for camping, and about a week or two prior to the trip bailed out because of a lot a family commitments.

Hopefully we are still friends with those paddlers.

Maybe your friends had good reasons, but that does make it a bummer for you.

Wish you were down this neck of the woods. We would invite you to join us on our weekly paddle.



As a habitual “bailer”
…due to the fact that I don’t have a reliable work schedule, I would advise you to not give up on them but just keep in mind that they are likely to bail again.

Guys like me eventually end up being overlooked for invites due to chronic interruption from things that they have no control over. Yes, it is rude if they do it without warning (I always give fair warning that I may have to work without notice), but it seems that rudeness is the rule of the day. Unless you have a large pool of friends who will get out and do things (and maybe even if you do) and as long as they are enjoyable to be around when they do show up, I’d keep giving them a chance.

I have learned
to count on nobody. I swear, I could call them at midnight to confirm they will be at the put in at 6AM. All is good. Everyone is on board. Check, yes, will be there, sure thing, see you then, thanks for calling. What the hell happens in the five short hours they should be sleeping? Sometimes, they just don’t show, no call, no clue they are not coming. I used to get all mad about it. But then you just get mad at your friends and nothing good becomes of it. So, no matter how firm the plans, I don’t really plan on any of them being reliable anymore. So, I make the plan, tell them what the plan is, don’t give them any chance to bend the plan to their needs. Either you make it at the time and place I inform you, or you blow it off. If you are late, you are out. If you make it, we love to see you. That way, no disappointments, the plan does not have to change because the shuttle partner didn’t show, no waiting one more hour just in case there was a problem.

i’ve dealt with that many times. usually, if it means i’m solo i’ll still go.

the worst was the time a number of us had planned for months to do a midnight run on a local class IV-V run the first time there was a full moon with clear skies. After waiting through a couple months where the weather didn’t cooperate, the date came with perfect conditions, and everyone bailed at the last minute. I still paddled, and had an amazing experience, but it would have been nice to have a buddy along.

I’d recommend just planning on paddling solo, and if others show up, great!

we do have fun…
when the few times that we do get together…(none of us work on the weekend either- 2 of us work a 4 day work week, the other from home)…so, how i see it is if you make plans w/ people a month in advance, then those are your plans. you just don’t pick and choose because something better comes along. maybe i have more of a concience than some.but it’s to bad that it can’t be like the old days when you wouldn’t go back on your word.guess i’m just venting.

solo most of the time…
but am not comfortable going to the ocean alone. i don’t think that is wise. i am not that sea worthy. but other than that… i still go even if they bail!

where did you leave your manners?
just asking :0)

When I can physically see them,I know
they are going.Recreational activities usually come last in the pecking order after family,work,illness,whatever.

I’ve Bailed
several times this year, mostly due to the economy. When work comes in, kayaking is a distant last. Some trips seem like a great idea several weeks off then the expense of going out of town makes me feel like I don’t deserve to go.

Why I don’t plan things
That’s why I try not to plan things if possible. I’m usually able to keep my life uncluttered enough that I can leave and do whatever on very short notice.

Even when people do say they’ll be joining me on a local paddle or something I don’t count on them showing until they actually show up. Good thing too or I’d be disappointed a lot.


Pretty Reliable Here
Most of the folks we paddle with are dependable - if they say they’ll be there, they are, barring serious unforeseen circumstances. We’ve collectively have called paddles off at the last minute - even on the beach - because we didn’t like the look of the weather. I have dropped out of paddles midway because it was looking like it could build into more than I wanted to tangle with, but nobody seemed to get upset when I and another headed back to more sheltered waters.

And I’m doubly blessed, because my favourite paddling buddy is also my wife - it’s a rare sight to see one of us out there without the other. After over 30 years together, there’s still no one I’d rather have with me out on the water.

When something better comes along…
Yeah - no excuse for that, IMO. It’s one thing for unavoidable stuff to come up - quite another for your planned event to get “outbid” at the last minute. I don’t have a lot of experience with that, but my kids complain that it’s common with their generation.

sad, but true in the younger generation.
but we are in our mid 40’s and 50 here! no excuse.

hard ass ain’t i?

you are blessed and happy it
sounds like. i do understand about the weather…but it was so perfect at the coast this weekend. winds from the west, 5-8 knots…seas less than a 1 ft. picture perfect blue skies and almost 70 degrees. no good excuses from the 2 of them either. a good excuse i can except.

wish i had a perfect paddle buddy like you 2 have.

You can’t control other people
You will be happier if you give up trying.

I ocean-paddle alone frequently.

That crazy, whale-girl, Watersprite, paddles the ocean alone at night! (can you imagine?)

She sounds pretty happy.

Don’t confirm… higher turnout
One of my co-workers suggests the best way to get someone to cancel an appointment is to call and confirm.

Calling gives them an out. If you don’t call they would have to pro-actively call (assuming they have some ethics) and make an excuse, consequently they are more likely to just show up because it is easier.

On the other hand I will sometimes call my ‘reliable’ clients and they are grateful for the reminder.


Get used to it
I have friends who do it all the time.

My friends have even come up with the idea for 3-9 day trips on the Wisconsin River or elsewhere and at the last minute will bail. One friend is retired, the others are a married couple in their thirties.

I believe that they psych themselves out that a paddling trip will be too strenuouse and don’t think their up to it.

If they actually get to the water and go, their happy they went and have fun, but getting them there can take work on my part.

that’s an interesting point of view…
but one person bailed a few days ahead and the other called me as i was organizing my gear to load the car.

i tried to reach her all week w/ no answer…i think she was on the fence and wouldn’t say so. i gave her an out when the other party canceled, but said she wanted to go if the weather was good. hmmmm!!!

it does make you second guess yourself at times though.guess that’s just where i’m at.

the ocean is 2.5 hrs. from me so
i wouldn’t head out that far alone to paddle the ocean, plus being inexperienced w/tides and reading the water i just think i’m safer not doing that. now on the river or lake near me…well that’s different. maybe she is on the sea all the time and obviously very comfortable with what she does and with the level of knowledge that she has.