Blame the wife
I had to bail on the Edisto trip because my wife had the
bad manners to get hospitalized for complications of swine flu. Figured she would be pissed if I went paddling and just gave her cab fair to get home.
what you gotta do is get in with folks
who live on the coast, they’re more apt to be going out on short notice. Last weekend was great if a tad windy here in maine, good weather for paddling about tho. Send me an e-mail if your up for it, try to get out before the ice sets in.
I am generally with you
My wife and I are both planners. We plan trips a year in advance. But, if someone else is planning a trip and we want to go but are not certain that we can, then we say, we want to go but we don’t know about x, y, and z and may not make it. That is honest and polite in my view and is the standard. I know people who call several restaurants and make several reservations for dinner and cancel all but one at the last minute. That is not acceptable. Not only is it not fair to the restaurant but it is not fair to me who might want a reservation but can’t get it. Except for unanticipated emergencies the golden rule applies.
It’s Baby Boomers also
I’ve watched disgustedly as someone signed up for a trip (which involved communal meals and carpooling), only to cancel a lousy two days beforehand. He had been waffling, trying to sniff out better trips during the previous weeks, and with one week to go I urged him to call the organizer and cancel. But he didn’t. He wanted to keep his options open. Then he covered up his selfishness with a nice-sounding “reason” that I knew was pure BS.
If this kind of behavior is a habitual thing, you probably don’t want them as part of your team. Because that’s what it is: a team. NOT a customer who pays a commercial outfit to guide him, with a deposit to lose when bailing at the last minute.
This is one reason why I prefer individual meal-planning and driving. If someone cancels, big deal.
Something I noticed
…is that some people say Yes, then they wait to see who is willing to drive them. If they find out that any carpooling is up to them to arrange privately or that they have to drive themselves, they cancel. They ask things like, “Is SoAndSo going?” which is a dead give-away.
Wow
– Last Updated: Nov-11-09 10:33 PM EST –
Multiple bookings, geez. Incredibly selfish.
Here's another one:
A few years ago my husband and I signed up for a mothership tour. The company said we could sign up as a couple and take our chances on whomever else might join us, or we could recruit friends to fill out the other spaces (they could accommodate 4 more but said 2 more would be enough).
So 8 months ahead of time, I started asking people I thought would like to go and could spare the time/expense. I only asked 2 at a time. Someone who was interested in going but wouldn't commit told me I should ask ALL the people on my candidates list at the same time, without waiting to hear back yea or nay from individuals. When I said I didn't want to turn someone away if we overfilled the trip, his response was basically Who Cares. He wanted me to find a single female, and he rejected the male friend (not to his face, of course) who did want to go but only if he was going, too. And the rejector was the one who had suggested the male friend in the first place!
That was the end of my trip matchmaking attempts. It's much nicer now to forget about group trips and just make my/our own plans.
Some “friends” you have!
I’d give each TWO chances!!!
One cancel with good excuse, I don’t hold ANYTHING against them. Anyone could have last minute issues: in-laws are sick, kids are acting up, spouse making a fuss etc. OK, those are not exactly “good” excuses. But I allow ONE such “bad” excuse nonetheless.
Second cancel, they’d better have a REAL GOOD excuse. Or they won’t get invited again. In fact, I’ve had one or two such “friend” who ask to come on my trip later. I told them they’ve cancelled twice already so I’m NOT making ANY allowance for them: ONLY if their joining have no other consequence, they’re welcome to come. Though I would not wait for them if they’re late. But if there’s a capacity issue, they’re automatically put on the waiting list no matter how early they “sign-up”!!!
Where I’m, paddlers seem quite reliable. (perhaps reliable isn’t the word, they’re just very keen to paddle!) So I don’t really worry much when I “initiate” a paddle.
2 weeks ago, I “resuscitate” a trip that was cancelled when the original initiator had conflicts. I only got 1 responds on the message board, with about 10 hours to go. It was the first time I “worried” at all. So I “confirmed” with that one. And she was VERY positive! By the time I head out the door in the morning 8 hours later, I had 3 others responded that they’re joining me! 4 showed!!!
For the most part, I only “plan” trips I can do on my own. So, if others join me, more fun together. If not, I’ll simply paddle alone. Surprisingly, I succeed most of the time in “re-cruiting” others onto my “solo” trip! 
I’m lucky
"the bride" is my paddling partner.
Neither one of us ever bails on the other!
Cheers,
jackL
Make new friends
by joining clubs in the area in which you like to paddle, like the Southern Maine Sea Kayaking Network. It sounds like you need friends for whom paddling is a priority. You can still invite your old unreliable friends to join you with your new friends. I’ve gone out of my way to meet some new people who paddle off-season and it has been worth the trouble. I have 4 new friends who are really reliable and fun to paddle with. The AMC has a few paddling trips each summer based out of their Knubble Bay Camp in Georgetown, ME. If you want to paddle in that area with a group, some of those trips might be nice for you.
I feel for you, as I know how much I look forward to my paddling plans. I would be very disappointed if my friends constantly bailed on me. Do they know how you feel? Do they do that with other activities? Making new paddling friends may be a bit of an effort for you in Northern, NH, but it may be worth it.
Things to consider
– Last Updated: Nov-12-09 9:44 AM EST –
As far as people bailing on you, this may not be a bad idea. I know you have a small core of people who have been working skills and rescues, but how many of them are solid enough that they would be able to execute the plan and stay calm in a mess on the open ocean this time of year? I know you have one (say hi to her), but a hard look at your cadre may suggest that you are a year early for this anyway.
There are some ways you can get on the ocean without relying on your inland group. I'd look to hook up with paddling groups that go out of the nearest point on the shore from which you paddle, at least until the weather is more benign.
One other option is to look up times in the spring that MITA is running trips do clean up the islands. They'll take any help, you are in a nice safe pod offshore and you camp on the islands as you go thru.
I always ask…
…more than’s really needed. When we did our July trip, I was working with six people in total knowing that one or two might back out due to the cost of international tickets. As it turns out, three canceled leaving three who ultimately made the trip w/ me. Due to the nature of the trip, we started the planning about 18-months in advance and were fairly selective in asking others to join us. It was stressful at times as one of the team was severly injured (broken neck) in Sept. 2008 but even he made the trip.
a agree with the others.
Find friends who are more serious about paddling. This might mean finding people who live on the coast, so you are not trying to recruit folks who want to drive 3 hours each way for a paddle. You’ll probably have more luck asking a few people on the coast if they want to paddle on Sunday, than try to find people around you who can commit to the whole weekend and travel, etc.
I’ve managed to assemble a small list of paddlers around me and if i want to go out I can nearly always find one of them who is available. Cancellations haven’t been a problem for me, though I don’t tend to plan these longer, more logistically complicated trips (sigh).
Good luck.
because you are polite and have
manners…somewhere all that has flown out the windows(mostly) these days. i’m with you though!
great suggestions…i will do that and
tell them that it’s my new plan.
thanks …you may be
right , it maybe early for me…i ask them to be honest w/ me and tell me if they think i am a risk factor etc… i understand and will not be offended at all, i don’t want to put anyone in a spot/ situation that all are not comfortable with. they tell me that my efforts have paid off and they are comfortable with me being along. anyway, all the stars were aligned this past Sunday and was going to be just an easy paddle in Casco bay out of Freeport, it would have been enjoyable i think.we hug closer to the shore if it’s to wild anyhow! but i will explore my Maine groups options more closely.I have only kayaked ocean waters 2x. and was just really looking forward to it.
Risks to think about in Maine
– Last Updated: Nov-12-09 3:37 PM EST –
OK - here's the thing about paddling in Maine, or any particularly rocky shoreline. You can't really anticipate the risk from inland paddling. So I would posit that you don't want to go out on those waters at least to start without being in a pod of people with local knowledge.
Stuff that inland paddling would not have prepared you for -
You CAN'T paddle close to shore at some tide states unless you have some pretty good surf skills. The seaward side of Peak's Island for example, a not unpopular island to go around with the ferry option, has Volkswagon sized boulders at low tide, sand bars and breaking waves that are regularly above the 2 ft limit that most newer paddlers feel is manageable.
The fog - especially a problem in Casco Bay because of all the shipping lanes. It is not possible in Maine fog to tell where a sound is coming from, a minor annoyance in places like Muscungous Bay but downright dangerous in Casco where the horn could be that of the Queen Mary II. And going back to Peak's Island around those rocks at low tide, in typical pea soup Maine fog you can't get close enough to see the shoreline without being in the surf.
We love paddling in Maine - but if you can't navigate with charts and practice in pea soup fog (no you can't out paddle it) and if the group needs to hug the shoreline, most of Maine's shoreline isn't the place to paddle. I suspect that describes much of your local group.
Very true.
Come to think of it, that’s what I do a lot.
Instead of initiating a trip far away from home and worry/risk of buddies cancelling, I hook up with people who live in places I want to paddle. So when they have a trip, I drive out to join them. If there’re others by me who wants to join me, we can carpool together. If not, I drive alone knowing full well I someone to paddle with.
manners
I see this quite a bit, often with my HS-Sr daughter’s peers, but also with adults. I try to teach my kids that when they say they will do something, they have made a commitment, and, in effect, a promise. You have given your word. FWIW, I would let these bailers know that you are disappointed in their actions. They may just blow off your comments too, but you’ve at least let them know where you stand.
Not sure where you live in NH, but I’m near Concord, > 1 hour from the nearest ocean paddling (Portsmouth). I’ve connected with other paddlers through NSPN and SMSKN, and have organized trips on both sites. This would be a good way for you to get more paddle time in your boat. Best of luck, and remember, sometimes your best paddling companion may be yourself.
Still good friends.
I have a few good friends who are unreliable trip partners but I will always invite them. Some have unpredictable work schedules, others have older parents to take care of, a few have mates that would rather do sometrhing other than paddle, and one would rather sail than paddle whenever he can.
These folks are good friends and a pleasure to have when they can come. One most trips I plan, I expect about half to show and often 2/3 show so I am pleasantly surprised. If we are meeting locally, I’ll wait 15 or 20 minutes before I drive away. If we are meeting in a remote location without cell service I’ll wait to hours.
For local paddles I don’t ever wait unless someone has called and said they are on their way.
no-shows/bailers
I have learned to really cherish my pals that always make the trip and learn who you cant depend on quickly. Same goes for the guys in our group who we all know will be late.