SPAM and real sea kayakers

An interesting exchange got started as a tangent to another current message, so thought the topic deserved its own thread. A fellow paddler told me when I started kayak camping that no ‘real sea kayaker’ would be caught dead without at least one can of SPAM in his kit. Preferably two. (In fact, it may even be a requirement for ACA certification.) His point was that the conveniently packaged, permanently-preserved, and succulent-but-firm luncheon meat product in the familiar brick-like tin was the cornerstone–literally and figuratively–of every successful kayak trip. This comment obviously does not apply to daytripping or car-camping.

I certainly found this statement true. All my trips have ended in death, disaster, or incessant fog when I’ve instead taken King Oscar kipper snacks, Viking Delight tinned herring in mustard, or Vienna Sausage smoked and canned wieners. I barely made it back alive from that one trip when I only had a couple of dried out SlimJims …

I’m beginning to think my friend might be right, and from now on will not risk life and limb with any other preserved or potted meat product.

So… do you need to serve SPAM to be a real sea kayaker?


you need a thermos of warm tea in the “kit”.

Don’t spread nasty rumors about seakayakers.


How bout us beenie weeniers
are we just a bunch of weenies.

Us canooists waar de first ta…

– Last Updated: Dec-04-08 1:09 PM EST –

come upon de life soostainin' an' gizzard nourishin' properties of dat marvelous, magical mystery meat known as Spam as a paddlin' staple.

Yer see, back in de good old days waan men waar men an' wuz always chasin' de wimminfolk - SPAM cans had dem thaar little keys dat yer used ta open dem, it took a real paddler (canooist) ta open one while paddlin'. Now, Hormel has caved inta de dem soft, panty-waisted girlie-men an' put pop tabs on SPAM so now even one o' dem 'yakers kin' now open dis here "gift-fro'-de-gods" luncheon meat while underway.

Thaar be no more justice! Repent! De end be near!

Fat Elmo

wrong (but for a different reason)
In fact, it may even be a requirement for ACA certification.

It isn’t an ACA requirement, but a BCU requirement. Remember, spam is a Monti Python specialty.

Gee, if I were a REAL seakayaker…
Yeah, if I were cranking out miles and burning 4000+ calories per day, raw spam and all that fat would probably appeal to me. As it is, I need to fry off all that to make spam palatable to me…does not make for a quick, accessible lunch break when you have to factor in the cook stove or a fire and a mess kit. Personally, I prefer to eat foil packed tuna or jambalaya rice with sausage and burn a little of my…um, reserves. :wink:


I usually save the SPAM fat
It can be used to lubricate rudder & skeg cables, paddle ferrules, and your friends’ tent stakes.


Spam on teh History Channel
While visiting my Dad over Thanksgiving I watched an interesting program about the journey that one Yank B-17 pilot made. After being shot down he was sheltered by the French Resistance, turned over to the Gestapo by a collaborator, stuck in concentration camps (including Buchenwald) with 160+ other fliers. When a Luftwaffe officer discovered the fliers and had them transferred to one of the POW camps for uniformed soldiers they were very malnourished.

Uon his arrival, in this recreation, he was offered a can of Spam. Probably historically correct, what with the Red Cross care packages, but I chuckled when he opened it.

He pulled a pop-top.


You lubricate friends’ tent stakes?
That must be some kind of interesting camping trip.

Historically Inaccurate!
Every SPAM afficiando knows the pop top is a recent addition to the SPAM packaging! The good 'ole way was to crank the can open with the enclosed key. On a side note, those SPAM keys were also handy for unlocking interior house doors like the bedroom or bathroom. Will the usefulness ever end?!?

I would wager a bet
that the people who made this TV docudrama were too young to realize the error in their portrayal.


I thought it was Vienna Sausages

My understanding is that only recreational flat water paddlers use Spork.

Canned meat? Not me, bro.

I’m usually the guy with the rice & beans cooking on the campstove. Zatarains rules on a paddling trip, because it’s pretty OK on its own, and you can add mussels, clams or fish you catch to it, or eat it on its own if the fishing sucks (Or I suck at fishing).

When did they do away with the “key”?
As you can tell, I am not a REAL seakayaker since I didn’t even know they replaced the key opener with a pop top.

I proud to be a seakayaker wannabe.


Mt. Pleasant, SC

while SPAM might be OK
for the yanks, ozzies don’t leave the shore without Vegemite in their day hatch.

If you are a “real sea kayaker” you also adorn yourself with a “real” knife (as seen on TV: Crocodile Dundee).

For “real” meals we usually catch a kangaroo and chuck it on the barbie…

(PS for the reader that lacks sarcasm the above was intended as a joke. No animals were harmed in the writing of this post either :slight_smile:

2 words…
“spam chips”

say it like homer says “donuts”…you get the idea.

Slice thin…fry to within an inch of their (and your) life.

consume all in a frenzy.

in the morning if there are any left (and the heart palpitations haven’t yet started) you can warm em up a bit, fry that hard as a rock bagel in the fat and then slather the whole thing in maple syrup.


I always carry around a bit of a spam roll which varies a bit day to day. Usually keep some in my dry suit pocket with cold lazagna for snacking. Nothing better than a slice of cold spam. Maybe this winter I’ll film a spam roll and post a link to it here. On second thought, that would be showing off, so I will do it!

Anyone ever visited the Spam Museum?

I haven’t, but a friend has and it’s on my ‘must paddle’ list.



(un)real spam kayaker

Are your SPAM chips anything like SPAM Fritters?

wetzool, I always carry around a bit of a SPAM roll too:

SPAM Musubi