Veterans....being one or how to deal with one

[Canoer60]

Vets. This can be a big subject in the usa. It can be a great uniter. Or a great divider. Or nothing, just neutral, like ‘ok that was your job for a while’ POV.

I’ve been talking to someone here in private messages (yes, boards can and often do read them) and this subject came up. It’s been a good conversation, so I figured I’d post a post of mine here, for public consumption.

I have ptsd and am open about that. I am so to help people, help those with it and those who have to deal with someone who has it.
So…a post from the middle of our conversation, slightly edited

This is my PERSONAL experience, POV. Not every Vet is like this, nor has these experiences. We can be a lot alike, but we aren’t cookie cutter products. So read this as just insight into ONE Vet’s experiences. It is.

---

Yeah, one of the probs vets have is they join young, do their time, then return back home 3-4 years later. Think of how their civvie peers changed in that amount of time. 18-24 is a time of big change for development. But they themselves change too. They may not realize just how much.

So a civvie leaves, then comes back as a veteran into that group at that age…and what can he talk to them about? They have no idea what he experienced, no matter what he did or didn’t do in the service. And what can they share with him? Nothing he can relate to. He doesn’t even know some of the people in his ‘lifetime civvie peer group’ now. He has nothing to say to them and they have nothing to say to him.

So the vet becomes isolated, stuck in no-man’s land between worlds. This is where some of us fail. It shows up in substance abuse, domestic violence if one is able to have a relationship, violence and suicide.

I remember each time I came back home on leave, I realized how much my long time ‘friends’ were changing. Later, I realized it was I who was changing. They were the same and still are today. So I stopped returning ‘home’ on leave as there was nothing there for me anymore.

The mil was the only place I ever felt like I was at home, amongst peers, Kindred Spirits. And it almost destroyed me. Almost. The only day/night I don’t think about it is when I’m really drunk, too drunk to think, but not too drunk to be self destructive and/or violent. Or just completely numb. Mission Accomplished.

I stopped drinking about 10 years ago. I stopped drugs about 20 years ago. My Vet Buds kept telling me to get help and about 6 years ago. One posted a PTSD checklist of something like 13 signs. I had all of them. So I asked for help at the VA. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, saying that sentence. But I did and got it.

What’s interesting is I didn’t realize how messed up I was. But it’s your mind that’s messed up with ptsd. So it’s really hard to know.
Now I’m just going to live my life in Peace and want to just die of old age.
I can’t be fixed. What’s done is done.

One thing I have done is work with security/police in dealing with people with “severe” ptsd. You’d be surprised how few of them know how to deal with it, even the pd at VAMH, I had to educate them on it.

So I help others understand what is going on and how to deal with people in that instance, have them take the “no harm, no foul” method. That’s how I can Do Good out of this. Clear a path for those behind me.

Another thing is I do is I say out loud, “Good Thoughts, Good Thoughts, Good Thoughts” when my mind starts to wander away. That has helped a lot. I’m going to share that with others as it’s real time help they can do for themselves.

Again, nice talking to you.
And am surprised they let my ‘other board’ subject stay up

---

Fin

[szihn]

This is a subject I don’t debate because such debate is useless and a waste of time to engage with anyone who already has made up their mind, so a public forum about it is not likely to result any others wanting to hear what I have done.

Those with a dedicated agenda against it will be offended at my answer.

But this one time only I will post what worked for me;

---

I was never able to do ANYTHING that really worked for me.

I tried several ways to deal with the past. None worked. NONE of the things I’d done myself as coping strategies worked. But when I give in to God 100% and actually dedicated myself to what Jesus told us in His words, it was done FOR me .

NOTHING else worked for me. But when I found out God was all I had, is when I found out God was all I need.

The VA?
No!
The VA is part of the same government that is attacking our liberties on and off, at every front and at all levels. I believe the VA is bait and I dislike and distrust the hook inside that bait. I am entitled to all the serviced the VA offers. I use none of them.
If I need care for old wounds and injuries (which are numerous, with 4 wounds and 33 bone breaks) I leave that to God too.
I made up my mind when I was 37 years old that I would not try to blame anyone else. I volunteered for the things I did. It was no ones fault by my own that I was in the places and involved in events I endured. Blame is what we do to divert the truth of reaping what we sew in many cases. Not all, — but many. I stopped blaming. I have even forgiven those that shot me. I no longer play the blame-game in my mind or life.

Will I “need” care as I age? Yup. So do all non-vets. Will something end my life someday? Yup, just like it will everyone else’s lives. As things degrade physically what will I do?
I’ll do what I can moment by moment to be right with my God and get ready to go home.

But I will not volunteer to be labeled in some way that surrenders my free will and moral agency to the same government. I forgive, but I am not able to forget their track record. That’s just good wisdom. If you know a groups of people are users and liars and that they have a long history of abuse and dishonesty, why on earth would I contract with them further?

I don’t blame others for my lack of judgement when I was 18-32 years old. But there is no reason I should feel a need or desire to volunteer again. If you believe the VA is on your side and has your back, just remember they were recently refusing to treat any vet for any reason who refused the jab and were delighted to turn over all records to the ATF to work on "reasons’ to disarm as many verlans as possible. That’s held back for now, but remember that the current administration is not going to hold power for ever, and once you have made records with them YOU do not own those records. THEY DO! and you as a contracted individual are subject to THEIR rules now and for the rest of your life.

You wanna play that game with the government? (Again?)

Never forget, it’s the same government. Just a different department.

I trust God with my life. I also trust Him with my coming physical death. That how real faith works. Others (most others) do not see it that way.

That’s how it is, and even God never forced anyone to believe or trust Him. If He did, faith and the trust would not be real. And make no mistakes about His blessings. He owes me NOTHING AT ALL! So any blessing God gives me means I am overpaid, not underpaid. All sin is based in selfishness. Gratitude at an inner level is what counters selfishness.

I am old and I feel pains every day. But I enjoy life, and I am grateful to God for that life and for the Life He has promised to me in eternity.

Since that became the core of who I am I have slept perfectly well, been in remarkably good health for most of my life, been strong and of sound mind, had love for others I can’t understand or explain, been blessed in ways that are not explainable, and that so many times I have lost count of them, and I am 100% secure and comfortable in the fact that someday I will die physically. It doesn’t frighten me, but in fact it excited me a bit.

The day evil looses it’s ability to scare you, it looses the war.

Fear is the opposite of faith.
Faith is the opposite of fear.

I could do nothing to comfort myself, so God did it all for me. He did it only when He was my ONLY plan, and not some back-up plan.

If this is of value to you (or any reader here) I pray God blesses you with wisdom.
For those that disbelieve or hate God ----- well ------ I’ll just leave you to God. I have no ability to “defend” God anymore then a small minnow could defend a battleship. He doesn’t need me. I need Him.
God never commanded me to be successful.
He commanded me to be faithful.

[davbart]

“Trust God”

I couldn’t agree more; He is faithful, He is good and He is love. Trusting in Him has made me able to say as Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “…I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am”

[Jyak]

I was drafted in 1971-73 during the deescalation of VN. Although I never saw combat, I felt similar alienation. As time passed, I too recognized that my frustration was growth, while my friends were stagnant. It’s a rare opportunity to meet, train and live with, risk your life with, and for, such people as you will never share hardships with again. Warriors are a rare breed who give selflessly and ask nothing in return. When you reach those heights, you can’t expect the aversge person to understand the pride and elation you feel from your transformation and accomplishment, nor can anyone appreciate the pain you feel from the loss of the most magnificent person you ever met. The best path is to try to horor your comrade by adapting and filling in for the one you so cherished.

[formerlytdaniel]

I deal with all people the same way. I invite them to go paddling with me.

[davbart]

Excellent idea, maybe you can help your local chapter; teamriverrunner.org

[formerlytdaniel]

I have done so volunteering with the trr beckley chapter: skills weekend, roll practice, unloading and loading and transporting boats to events. I don’t think the local chapter is currently active.

[davbart]

Thank you, sorry to hear the chapter is inactive.

[Jyak]

It’s great to introduce others to kayaking, but I found that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it float on its back. My idea of kayaking goals doesn’t mesh with the view held by most people who prefer to paddle a 100 yards and sit to stare at ducks.

I’ve bought boats and high end paddles for more people than I can shake a stick at. That is my choice and less altruistic than an unsuccessful attempt to shape a companion as a paddle partner. I’m more discriminating now. It paid off with my sister because we paddled together for many years.

@formerlytdaniel, your suggestion is lauditory, but I respectfully point out that while your sentiment is admirable, it really isn’t related to the OP’s message.

[Canoer60]

@szihn

This is a subject I don’t debate

Me either. To me, there’s nothing to debate.
What I do is be open about the issues I have. That’s nothing more to help others. I got over the self/mil stigma of having ptsd. I’m not weak. I’m not crazy. I’m not faking it. I didn’t volunteer for this. I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t want this and never wanted to wind up like this. Who would want to have decades of their life destroyed? If they even live through it.

No, I’m clearing a better path for others behind me. I can do that. That’s my Gift to them.

If you’re rated, pres trump got rid of the terrible ‘community care’ and put in the mission act. If you ‘rate’, you can use local healthcare facilities if a VA is too far from you. I do. And if needed, drugs are mailed to me.

Good Thoughts, Good Thoughts, Good Thoughts

[Canoer60]

@Jyak

Warriors are a rare breed who give selflessly and ask nothing in return.

Not just the combat arms people that count.

I had a cop giving me a hard time once. He badmouthed non combat arms vets, so I reminded him that 17 sailors were killed in the USS Cole and none of them were infantry, a few were even cooks.
Then he claimed his service was the same sacrifice. I laughed as I reminded him he sleeps in his bed every night at his place with his spouse/family, instead of disappearing for a handful of years.
That finally shut him up.

[Canoer60]

@Jyak

It’s great to introduce others to kayaking,

IMHO, kayaks are a mental block for most people. Anyone can fall out of a canoe, so the entrance fee for that is lower as is the fear factor. It’s often about their perceived level of control that matters.

[Jyak]

This site is a paddlingforum, but current membership seems to favor sea kayaks and canoes. I say that because if a post asks for a recommendation for the best paddle, most of the replies appear to be about kayak paddles. As for myself, I started in canoes and gravitated to kayaks but want to get back to canoes due to the versatility.

[Jyak]

For the record. I’ve never fallen out of a kayak. I always though that falling out of a kayak is highly over-rated. The only times I fell out of a canoes was in white water. I simply reached a point where capsizing a boat seemed contrary to the reason I bought it.

[Canoer60]

@Jyak

want to get back to canoes due to the versatility.

That’s my progression also, canoes, kayaks…whitewater canoes…back to canoes. I view sea/big water kayaks as going for a walk. Not much takes place, so one just enjoys the environment around them. That’s the aquadic version of golf to me. People golf because it’s one of the ways they can get out of the house…and moreso, to actually do something related to nature.
I’m very very outdoor oriented, so I don’t need to set aside time to make sure I leave the house and get into nature. I’m surrounded by it.

[Canoer60]

@Jyak

The only times I fell out of a canoes was in white water.

and if it’s a whitewater canoe, you don’t even have to be in whitewater to fall out of one…

[Jyak]

I view sea kayaking as a mental challenge with the goal of improving efficiency. The typical approach to going faster is to just paddle harder. My approach is to learn how to use energy more efficiently and track straighter. What I learned over the years of paddling is how to inprove consistency. Looking over old logs, I noticed that speed averages were inconsistent, mainly because I typically paddled all out and burned energy inconsistently. Once I started using an app that recorded speed, the consensus on the forum was that speed depended on wind, current, tides and waved. That made me think about how everybody talks about it but nobody explained how it impacted speed. So I set about testing whether those factors could be managed and what impact it would have on average speed. I also notice how the max speed typically depended on the power assist from tides. Rather than pursue pure speed, my goal was improving average speed. Here’s an example of my grand daughters chart:

Here is a typical example of my early charts:

By experimenting with energy output and focusing on form, I figured out how to improve consistency. My focus changed from pursuing peak speeds to staying closer to the average speed. The benefit is realized as less joint and muscle pain, less stress (I never feel overworked and the stroke is relaxed enough that my legs are often flat on the bottom of the boat without reliance on the thigh braces or foot pegs. Bracing is only used for control when facing adverse conditions.

Most paddlers such as yourself are pursuing the peaceful environment. While I also enjoy the natural setting, my focus is on efficient form and covering distance to see more. In the process, I monitor how conflicting currents, tides and winds affect waves. Consequently, I learn a lot about how to master conditions. I gained a lotnof insight from data, including oxygen, heart rate, and aerobic/anerobic balance that @@Craig_S shared regardingbhis training. We have totally different paddling technique, but the benefits apply equally.

Once I figured out how to apply the concepts, my avg speed jumped by at least .5 mph (based on comparison to similar conditions).

I understand that my approach isn’t desirable to everyone, but I have to satisfy myself. This approach is more challenging for me and physicslly easier on my frame. I’ve been told the tubby Tsunamis can’t go that fast.

[formerlytdaniel]

Hey jyak, “@formerlytdaniel, your suggestion is lauditory, but I respectfully point out that while your sentiment is admirable, it really isn’t related to the OP’s message.”

I couldn’t disagree with you more. I believe there’s an inherent value in paddling. Inviting people to paddle with you can be a life changer for some folks. You can get different mental health benefits and those benefits may vary according to your style of paddling.

Sometimes my cares melt away, other times I can sort out issues in my mind, in ww i’m fixated only on the now, not thinking about my troubles. Completing a hard day gives me a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of control in my life. Other times I’m just in awe of my surroundings. Sometimes I’m challenged mentally, particularly with navigation in swamps. Yes, I can even derive pleasure from simply staring at ducks or reveling in the way my kayaks surfs across a small play wave. Paddling brings me real joy! I enjoy sharing the experience with others. Getting out regularly creates balance in my life and has me feeling more relaxed and less worried.

I won’t pretend to know what any particular veteran needs but have paddled with my share of veterans. I know this because we talk about life, our personal history, relationships, and whatever is going on in our lives. I think that’s called friendship. You see, my paddling buddies truly are my buddies. The folks that I paddle with are my extended family. We need more of that in this world. Sometimes we barely talk. That’s okay too. It’s not about winning arguments but listening, giving folks space when they need it, and just experiencing something special together. Cue singing kum-bye-ya if you want or even make fun of it… Its even okay with me to just feel “it” and not define or share “it”. Give folks their space if they want it.

I’ve paddled with hippies, skinheads, homeless people, mentally challenged individuals, angry x wives, random folks in the campground, my own relatives, cops and convicted felons, boyscouts, rec boaters, rafters, squirt boaters, fitness and aca gurus, preachers, teachers and lawyers, govt. workers, active duty soldiers, politicians, right wingers, left wingers, texans and new englanders, strippers, and yes even people that never wear pfds. I even saw Dan Quayle drop "sweets falls’.

I’ve paddled with people and I haven’t known what pronoun to use. A far bigger issue is when I can’t remember folks name. I like being with different people and sharing a passion for paddling.

I will tell you that the skinhead was tough for me. He could paddle like nobody’s business but he did a hit of acid in the fog on the upper gauley at an unfamiliar water level (600 cfs). There’s a few folks that I think back on and think, “what was I thinkin”?

Life is short. Go paddling. You’ll feel better.

I may not solve my problems while paddling but somehow it just helps me feel better about myself, my life and the day. That’s winning to me.

If you want to do something for a veteran then go paddling with one. You just might make a new friend.

[Jyak]

No disagreement from me. I always respect your input and would never question your perspective or discretion in dealing with anyone. I’m not suggesting that you were disrespectful. You approach is fantastic and similar to the way I approached bicycling, firearms training and kayaking. I’m not competitive by nature, but my approach to every activity, from bicycling through photography, is view as a challenge. While you’re patient and altruistic enough to share your time with others, I regret to admit that I’ve grown more selfish with sharing my time.

That comes from offering my commitment of tine and energy, only to have it squandered by people with a lack of resolve and unwillingness to learn or improve. It took about 10 years for me to interpret the phase, “kayaking looks like it would be fun!” I’ve since concluded that kayaking is demanding and I enjoy the challenge, but it falls short of being fun. That is a sentiment that drew some disbelief, criticism and confusion from more than a few members. So be it.

I can’t devote the amount of time that I need to improve and advance my paddling technique. My goal is to cover more miles, while the people I take out have no desire to go more than a mile or two and lose interest after an hour. In earlier years, I managed 62 trips during a season. During the past 3 season, I only managed 20 trips per season; this year I only managed one trip, even though I was eager to try out a longer paddle.

My point isn’t that I shun pairing with others, but that I need to adequately meet my paddling goal before I commit to helping others. Perhaps thst sounds selfish, but I’ve bought boats for five people and paddles for eight, including three Kallistes, two Camanos and two carbon Aqua Bound models. How does the saying go, “charity starts at home.” I need to satisfy my own kayaking yearnings before I start ⁸ excursions. That’s just partial insight into my comment, so by all means, keep up the liaison with non-paddle. My efforts haven’t netted any converts and to the contrary, probably caused more than a few to give up notions that kayaking is fun. So until I find more opportunities to explore my idea of kayaking, or I find partners who share my idea of kayaking, my adventures will be solo.

[formerlytdaniel]

I consider annie a friend. She lives 5 miles down the road. We’ve only paddled once together but occasionally bump into each other. She has organized some long paddling trips for vets.

Healing Waters: Annie Balthazar